The Big Stupid Review
- Chapter 1 from The Infinite Atrocity
- By Kane X. Faucher
- "Told ya I didn't want to talk poetry. Now look at us. And I'm still bored. Do you want to fuck, or what?"
- A matter of brusque commercial exchange or a crisis response? Alexa put away her attacks and gave him a smile that was one part mollifying and another an erotic invitation. Despite this, her expression still bore the traces of someone who would never remain interested in anything for very long. more...
- Support the Troops By Giving Them Posthumous Boners
- By Tom Bradley
- Tom Bradley felicitates the returning troops for their sacrifice in yet another failed colonial venture. The knuckledragging Bush-Cheney paleo neocon foreign policy has successfully transformed Iraq from an enemy of Iran into a potential satellite, as was inevitable for anyone with an iota of sense to foresee. more...
- The man That Was Used Up
- By Edgar Allan Poe
- A classic with photos from Vietnam. more...
- The Story Of Mimi-Nashi-Hōïchi
- By Lafcadio Hearn
- A classic ghost story with photos from 1960s Japan. more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 9
- By Jim Chaffee
- Dina lifted her crop top and let peek from below a pair of gnarly brown splotches surrounding nipples like amputated pinkies.
- "You like these?"
- I blurted "No." more...
- When Good Pistols Do Bad Things
- By Kurt Mueller
- See, I'm wanting to kill somebody, so my buddy sold me a gun, a little black 9mm deal. It meant no permit, no waiting period, no nothing. You should of seen it.
- So it's stuffed in my drawers while I drive the truck up to the recruiter's office, flipping off the Saturday protesters out in the park. They don't know shit, and if I could I'd Fallujah them all to Hell, but I just turn that middle finger bird into an pointer finger pistol and blast it at them, then swat a mosquito dead on my neck. more...
- Corporate Strategies
- By Bruce Douglas Reeves
- Alec got only a vague impression of the consultant’s talk, but he couldn’t avoid her red power suit or the faddish phrases zipping past his head: coherent dotted-line power structures… value-added matrix positioning… strategic non-defensive synergies… conceptualizing of multi-pronged, integrated, many-faceted, demographically targeted empowerment…. By the final handshakes and trading of business cards, he was balanced on the edge of bleary-eyed paralysis. more...
- The Dead Sea
- By Kim Farleigh
- The Dead Sea, lifeless, and beautiful, was painful to touch with wounded hands. To benefit from the Dead Sea, a light-skinned person has to smother themselves with cream and mud; then they have to hope that there are no unforeseen breaks in their skin. Either the sun or the salt or both can get you, and if the skin is broken the pain resembles an acid attack. But some people can avoid this: they float, trance-like, thick-skinned, surrounded by limestone white, thinking unnecessary — so they think. more...
- The Perfect Knot
- By Ernest Alanki
- "If you can't tie a knot, you can't win a woman's heart," Ben says to his ten-year-old son. "If you can't spin the web of life," he says, "You can't succeed in anything."
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- Girlish
- By Bob Bartholomew
- She was trailer trash, wore high tops, had a mullet, snapped her gum. Her glasses were the kind poor people wear, with large retro frames and smeared lenses—the type you'd find in a drugstore. I never wanted to be seen in public with her, but was willing to date her clandestinely. I wanted to date her because I knew I could.
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- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 8
- By Jim Chaffee
- A leggy blonde in raggedy blue jeans cut into short shorts strode into the room. Jeremy turned to watch her approach, his eyes glued to her upper torso, oblivious to the spindly pins and boxy hips. Her tits hung like overfilled water balloons from high up, almost from her shoulders it seemed, swinging back and forth within a blue ribbed tank top cropped above her midriff. She halted beside Harry. The flesh sacks ceased swaying and sagged flat against her chest, their nipples, visible through the material, pointing at her toes. She stood five ten or so in her flat sandals, dwarfing the Ball twins. Her navel hovered far down on that elongated torso and I realized if the blouse had been cropped an inch shorter those fat nipples would be uncovered. more...
- Introduction to Jim Chaffee's Studies in Mathematical Pornography
- By Maurice Stoker
- The Drill Press has decided to run as a serial some of the chapters from Part I of Jim Chaffee’s study in mathematical pornography, the novel in progress American Dream, Volume 1: New Orleans. What could be more interesting than mathematics? Of course, heterosexual congress is among the dullest of duties performed by the male of the species, but has been the lot of most men since the time of the Greeks who gave up cavorting with their catamites from time to time in order to fulfill the civic duty of impregnating their wives. But I defer you to Socrates for discussion on this drudgery. more...
- Introduction to Jim Chaffee's Studies in Mathematical Pornography
- By Tom Bradley
- But this is not just a mathematics book. It's mathematical pornography. Fucking is done in borderline infinite numbers of ways; human orifices are delved into like non-orientable surfaces. Whitey's encounters with females are analytically penetrative, like those portrait busts the Romans used to carve, with every wart and skin pore and chancre right in place, alongside noses and brows that would, in a more idealized context, be implausibly beautiful. Butcher sees the ugliness and the beauty and the inner complexities they conceal, ornament and express. more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream
- By Jim Chaffee
- Did you hear about the mathematician who was so boring even the other mathematicians noticed?—B. J. Pearson more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 1
- By Jim Chaffee
- Jehovah's most devoted and single-minded witness lay like a wizened lump of clay, shriveled memory of once boundless energy, muted cheerleader of the coming vengeance. She opened her brown eyes to see me standing alone beside the bed; offered no smile, not with her eyes, certainly not in the set of her mouth. The weak voice emitted just above my signal-to-noise ratio and I bent nearer to capture the words.
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- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 2
- By Jim Chaffee
- It had turned dusk and the Quarter lit up and came alive up as we walked up Bourbon Street blocked off from motorized vehicles for the night, Lori firmly gripping my free hand, my old black grip in the other, the macadam street sloping from the bald center towards broken lines of sidewalk. The buildings crowded flush against the sidewalks and hawkers for the strip joints standing in the doorways incited imagination to encourage entrance as bored topless girls standing behind them discouraged, the few on stage gyrating listlessly. GIRLS had been flipped from BOYS in LIVE ____ ON STAGE at Little Darlings. Knots of men and a few couples, most holding plastic cups of beer, stood gawking into the darkened dives.
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- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 3
- By Jim Chaffee
- The first day of class she'd approached me saying she never did well in math but she needed to learn this material and to pass the course. I looked into clear blue eyes and saw someone who believed in truth, fidelity, Jesus and the American dream. Someone who would someday transform into a suburban mother of children; her round, high ass spread wide and hanging cellulite-cratered over thighs gone to gobs of more cellulite; those well-contained breasts, now protruding like rounded hills hinting at perky nipples, submitting to gravity after duty as feeding bags, sagging flat against a thickened trunk and gone to wrinkled dugs with the release of the Cooper's ligament. I shuddered at the vision of elongated, chewed nipples on the ends of those two future sacks. But for now, tight calves and firm thighs bounding with potential energy for cheering leaps, displayed in short skirts, distracted. And she would always have her button nose, no matter how its base contorted with wrinkles.
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- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 4
- By Jim Chaffee
- "Are you going to fuck me, big boy?" Her voice had deepened and her face leathered, ancient, the bags under her crone's eyes puffy and dark. more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 5
- By Jim Chaffee
- By now I wrote more but erased it almost as soon as it hit the board, chalk in one hand and eraser in the other, modeled on the professor who had dragged me through a semester of multilinear algebra, tensors and exterior algebras and modules. On one end of his classroom high above the ground stood a window from floor to ceiling at the end of the chalkboard runway down which he had sped with chalk and eraser, wiping as he wrote, bouncing off the bars across the window and starting back the opposite direction. One day I stopped him with the comment that if we were to cut through the bars he would plunge to his death almost surely. He paused to laugh, saying the rumor was it had been a math professor falling to his death that had prompted the bars in the first place, then picked up where he'd left off. more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 6
- By Jim Chaffee
- I practiced ambling to class, swiveling my cane with a flourish as I entered the room. I leaned into it and scoped out the faces. The cheerleader up front smiled and shook her head like I was a certifiable loony. Her breasts strained against their sleek container. more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 7
- By Jim Chaffee
- "That," he said, "was Pete Maravich. I recognized him, but didn't want to admit it to him." more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 8
- By Jim Chaffee
- A leggy blonde in raggedy blue jeans cut into short shorts strode into the room. Jeremy turned to watch her approach, his eyes glued to her upper torso, oblivious to the spindly pins and boxy hips. Her tits hung like overfilled water balloons from high up, almost from her shoulders it seemed, swinging back and forth within a blue ribbed tank top cropped above her midriff. She halted beside Harry. The flesh sacks ceased swaying and sagged flat against her chest, their nipples, visible through the material, pointing at her toes. She stood five ten or so in her flat sandals, dwarfing the Ball twins. Her navel hovered far down on that elongated torso and I realized if the blouse had been cropped an inch shorter those fat nipples would be uncovered. more...
- Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Chapter 9
- By Jim Chaffee
- Dina lifted her crop top and let peek from below a pair of gnarly brown splotches surrounding nipples like amputated pinkies.
- "You like these?"
- I blurted "No." more...
