Archives

American Dream Serialization (Early Chapters): Introduction to Jim Chaffee's Studies in Mathematical Pornography by Maurice Stoker; Introduction to Jim Chaffee's Studies in Mathematical Pornography by Tom Bradley; Studies in Mathematical Pornography: American Dream Title Page by Jim Chaffee; Studies in Mathematical Pornography: Chapter 1 by Jim Chaffee; Studies in Mathematical Pornography: Chapter 2 by Jim Chaffee; Studies in Mathematical Pornography: Chapter 3 by Jim Chaffee; Studies in Mathematical Pornography: Chapter 4 by Jim Chaffee; Studies in Mathematical Pornography: Chapter 5 by Jim Chaffee; Studies in Mathematical Pornography: Chapter 6 by Jim Chaffee; Studies in Mathematical Pornography: Chapter 7 by Jim Chaffee; Studies in Mathematical Pornography: Chapter 8 by Jim Chaffee; Studies in Mathematical Pornography: Chapter 9 by Jim Chaffee
01-01-2015: Modern Tragedy, or Parodies of Ourselves by Robert Castle
01-11-2014: Totally Enchanté, Dahling by Thor Garcia
01-04-2014: Hastini by Rudy Ravindra; The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter Volume 5 Translation by W. C. Firebaugh
01-01-2014: Unexpected Pastures by Kim Farleigh
10-01-2013: Nonviolence by Jim Courter; The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter Volume 4 Translation by W. C. Firebaugh
07-01-2013: The Poet Laureate of Greenville by Al Po; The Apocalypse of St. Cleo, Part VI by Thor Garcia; The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter Volume 3 Translation by W. C. Firebaugh
04-01-2013: The Apocalypse of St. Cleo, Part V by Thor Garcia; The Apocalypse of St. Cleo, Part IV by Thor Garcia; The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter Volume 2 Translation by W. C. Firebaugh
01-01-2013: The Apocalypse of St. Cleo, Part I by Thor Garcia; The Apocalypse of St. Cleo, Part II by Thor Garcia; The Apocalypse of St. Cleo, Part III by Thor Garcia; The Satyricon of Petronius Arbiter Volume 1 Translation by W. C. Firebaugh
10-01-2012: DADDY KNOWS WORST: Clown Cowers as Father Flounders! by Thor Garcia; RESURRECTON: Excerpt from Breakfast at Midnight by Louis Armand; Review of The Volcker Virus (Donald Strauss) by Kane X Faucher: Excerpt from the forthcoming Infinite Grey by Kane X Faucher
01-07-2012: Little Red Light by Suvi Mahonen and Luke Waldrip; TEXECUTION: Klown Konfab as Killer Kroaked! by Thor Garcia; Miranda's Poop by Jimmy Grist; Paul Fabulan by Kane X Faucher: Excerpt from the forthcoming Infinite Grey by Kane X Faucher
01-04-2012: Operation Scumbag by Thor Garcia; Take-Out Dick by Holly Day; Patience by Ward Webb; The Moon Hides Behind a Cloud by Barrie Darke; The Golden Limo of Slipback City by Ken Valenti
01-01-2012: Chapter from The Infinite Atrocity by Kane X. Faucher; Support the Troops By Giving Them Posthumous Boners by Tom Bradley
01-10-2011: When Good Pistols Do Bad Things by Kurt Mueller; Corporate Strategies by Bruce Douglas Reeves; The Dead Sea by Kim Farleigh; The Perfect Knot by Ernest Alanki; Girlish by Bob Bartholomew
01-07-2011: The Little Ganges by Joshua Willey; The Invisible World: René Magritte by Nick Bertelson; Honk for Jesus by Mitchell Waldman
01-04-2011: Red's Dead by Eli Richardson; The Memphis Showdown by Gabriel Ricard; Someday Man by John Grochalski
01-01-2011: I Was a Teenage Rent-a-Frankenstein by Tom Bradley; Only Love Can Break Your Heart by Fred Bubbers
10-01-2010: Believe in These Men by Adam Greenfield; The Magnus Effect by Robert Edward Sullivan; Performance Piece by Jim Chaffee
07-01-2010: Injustice for All by D. E. Fredd; The Polysyllogistic Curse by Gary J. Shipley; How It's Done by Anjoli Roy; Ghost Dance by Connor Caddigan; Two in a Van by Pavlo Kravchenko
04-01-2010: Uncreated Creatures by Connor Caddigan; Invisible by Anjoli Roy; One of Us by Sonia Ramos Rossi; Storyteller by Alan McCormick
01-01-2010: Idolatry by Robert Smith; P H I L E M A T O P H I L I A by Traci Chee; They Do! by Al Po
Full TEX Archive

One of Us

By Sonia Ramos Rossi

I’m not. One of you, I mean. Not a part of your gang, no member of your social group. I pretend to fit in, of course, things would be more difficult if I didn’t, but I’m not really there. You don’t see the real me. I have a secret, you see.

We look the same, you and me. You, and all these people around me. They’re dressed just the same, we speak the same language, but I am not with you.

There is a small plaque screwed into the back of the seat in front of me. It says “E15”. I suppose all of the seats around me have the same kind of numbering, I don’t want to look. It’s hard to focus with the sweat running into my eyes, I have to keep blinking.

The music is loud. I try to block it out, concentrate my thoughts. I think about my brother, my mother, my father, anything to remain centered.

My brother’s face floats in my mind, the way I last saw him, with a halo of blood on the pavement below his head. I blink again. My hair is wet with sweat.

My mother’s tears, my father’s sorrow, his wounded pride. He is impotent, you see, in every sense of the word. He can’t protect his family, nor his land. Our olive trees all bulldozed.

I feel strong, and right, even though my hands are shaking. I try to calm myself and rub my thumb across the plastic button once more. I blink, twice.

I came in here with some people. It was easy to latch on. A smile here, a friendly comment about the weather. They were quite charming and open too, eager to chat, happy to be going to the theatre. A nice group, but not mine. I don’t belong.

On the billboards above the ticket office it said "This play will change your life!"

Yes.

The play is coming to its end, the audience stands up to aplaud. They have enjoyed the evening; now it is my turn to perform.

I stand up too. There is hot piss running down my leg. I’m not frightened, it’s just my body.

The actors are bowing, taking a curtain call, revelling in the adoration of the crowd, smiling.

I shut my eyes.

Oh Mother, oh Father.

Now, do it now.

Now.

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