Archives
- 01-07-2010
- Injustice for All by D. E. Fredd
- The Polysyllogistic Curse by Gary J. Shipley
- How It's Done by Anjoli Roy
- Ghost Dance by Connor Caddigan
- Two in a Van by Pavlo Kravchenko
- 01-04-2010
- Uncreated Creatures by Connor Caddigan
- Invisible by Anjoli Roy
- One of Us by Sonia Ramos Rossi
- Storyteller by Alan McCormick
- 01-01-2010
- Idolatry by Robert Smith
- P H I L E M A T O P H I L I A by Traci Chee
- They Do! by Al Po
- 10-15-2009
- Love Fwd'd On by Chris Vaughan
- The The Theft of the Magi by Gregory Anthony Schneider
- Sam Edwine Gets That All-Important Publishing Contract, and Decides What the Key Word of His Book Shall Be by Tom Bradley
- 07-01-2009
- Notes on a New Financial Year by Chris Vaughan
- The Diddling of the Immensity by Thor Garcia
- The Right Woman by Roger Castle
- 07-01-2009
- Mawlawchee by Ben Drinen
- 06-01-2009
- Successful P's by Chris Vaughan
- Excerpt from Dear Vito by Mickey Z.
- As the Song Goes by Ryan McBride
- 05-01-2009
- Menage a Deux by Hugh Fox
- Maybe I'm Stupid by Steven Schutzman
- 04-01-2009
- Americans vs. Aneurysms by Eli Richardson
- Application For The Chaparral Writers Society by John-Ivan Palmer
- 03-01-2009
- Swearing: A Bedtime Story by John Grochalski
- Excerpt from Dear Vito by Mickey Z.
- 01-01-2009
- Two Pauls by Warren Buckles
- Moments by Christopher Hart
- 12-01-2008
- The Waiting by Brian Alan Ellis
- Symphony #1: Roger Castleman by John Grochalski
- 11-01-2008
- A Splinter from the Devil's Mirror by Bryn Greenwood
- Between You and the Man-Sized Prophylactic with the Zipper by Tom Bradley
- Chief by Warren Buckles
- 09-01-2008
- Routine by Felipe de Oliveira
- Automatic Transmission by Warren Buckles
- 08-01-2008
- The Axiom of Choice by Jim Chaffee
- 07-01-2008
- A Pleasure Jaunt with One of the Sex Workers Who Don’t Exist in the People’s Republic of China by Tom Bradley
- Making the Switch by George Sparling
- 06-01-2008
- The War Prayer by Mark Twain
- 05-01-2008
- About the Dog by Robert Aqunio Dollesin
- 04-01-2008
- The Coup by Peter Schoenau
- 03-01-2008
- Art School by Zach Plague
- Consitutional Puppies by JR
- 02-01-2008
- Selection from The Vicious Circulation of Dr. Catastrope by Kane X. Faucher
- Party Pooper from Make Me by Eli Richardson
- Una Noche Perfecta para Sanguijuelas por Jim Chaffee (tr. Sonia Ramos Rossi)
- 01-01-2008
- A Night in Cameroon by Kelly Jameson
- Missile by Jason Jordan
- Full TEX Archive
Application For The Chaparral Writers Society
By John-Ivan Palmer
Please see enclosed application for membership.
Dear Chaparral Writer's Society: I've always wanted to be a writer. Do you think I could publish this? I'm concerned it may not have enough dialogue. And my apologies for any punctuation errors. I hope it won’t be held against me. I welcome criticism of any kind. You can also reach me by phone. Thank you very much and I remain,
Sincerely Yours,
William Richter
Here's a sample of my writing you requested:
Sheep Shears
By William Richter
I used to go to church every goddamn week. Then one Sunday I sat in the front pew and played with a sheep shears. They kicked me out and said I had to change my ways. Fuck 'em. I went over to the minister's house and knocked on his door and when his wife answered I threw her ass to the floor, pulled up her skirt to see what she had, shaved her goddamn head with a sheep shears, and wrote "whore" across her scalp. [Do I need a comma after "shears"?] They called the cops and sent me to some shrink, and when he asked me what the hell was wrong, I kicked him in the nuts, then ran out to his waiting room, threw down his receptionist, pulled own her pants to see what she had, and shaved her fucking head too.
Then I went out for some lunch at a fancy restaurant and made the waiter bring me lots of food. When he gave me the bill I put my finger down my throat and barfed it all up and said no thanks. I went to my neighbor's house where they had a high fence to keep in their dog. The bitch was in heat. I jumped the fence, shaved the mutt with a shears and wrote "whore" all over it's skin and turned it loose. Packs of stray dogs wanted to fuck it. But I fucked it first.
I went into a flower shop and took a piss in a vase of roses and some motherfucker tried to stop me. I kicked him in the nuts, then sheared off his beard and told him to have a nice day.
Now I'm in jail. But I'm glad I'm in fucking jail. I'm having lots of goddamn fun here, meeting all kinds of people who understand me. But I won't be here long. When I get my ass out I’ll come looking for you. Yes, you! I'm going to shave your head with a sheep shears and write "whore" all over your scalp, then I'm going to shave your goddamn dog (or sheep or cow) and fuck it. So remember me, my name is William Richter. Have a nice day!
THE END
© John-Ivan Palmer 2009