A Rude Little Monkey - 3

By Kelly Jameson

We got off the elevator, she hiked up her stockings, I got out my key and unlocked the door. The old hag across the hall opened her door slightly and looked out at us.

"What's your name?" I asked the lady in purple.

"Holly Hobby. My parents named me after a doll. Who's the nosy old bag?"

"That's just my neighbor." Holly Hobby shot her the finger and the bag slammed her door shut. She'd been frying pierogies again. They stunk up the whole second floor. Bitch used too much garlic, I was sure of it.

I let us into my apartment. It didn't smell too bad or look too bad to me.

"You want a beer?" I asked.

"Sure," she said, staring at the curio with the dolls in it.

"Where's your Christmas tree?" she said.

"Christmas tree? Why would I have a Christmas tree?"

"Tomorrow's Christmas," she said.

"Shit," I said.

I got two beers from the frig and gave her one. I was pretty drunk at this point. The monkey sat silently on the couch staring at us but I knew he'd show his true colors soon enough, soon enough. She didn't seem to notice him.

Holly Hobby or whatever her name was went over to the curio, closed her eyes, and waved her fat hands in the air before the glass. She started to mumble something but I couldn't make any of it out. I slurped at my beer, sat down on the couch next to the monkey. "Are you going to suck me or what?" I said, pulling my wallet out and setting a twenty and a ten next to me. She opened an eye in my direction, saw the cash, then closed her eyes again.

"These dolls have been raped," she said. "What a horrible, horrible thing."

This kind of freaked me out. That she knew that. The purple hippo standing before me 'cleansing' my apartment kind of freaked me out.

"It was the monkey."

"The monkey?"

"Yeah. Right here." I pointed to the monkey, who still sat motionless. Bastard. I knew what he really was.

"He has a huge monkey cock, bigger than any man's cock I've ever seen, and it gets him in trouble. Not that I've seen a lot of men's cocks."

"Let's see it," she said.

"Mine or his?"

"Yours, dumbass. Then his."

I showed her mine then I showed her his.

"I think I'd rather fuck the monkey," she said.

I could see this was quickly going nowhere. I put the ten back in my wallet and put the wallet back in my pocket.

"I'm getting him neutered tomorrow," I said.

Then that monkey starting screaming! He screamed at the purple lady, screamed disgusting, unimaginable things like "I'll fuck you like nobody has you double-cunted fuckball!" and "you'll be so sore in the morning but you'll still beg for my monkey cock because I’m the best there's ever been! Now stop monkey-farting and get over here and let me give it to you good!"

Her dark, squishy eyes went wide in her punched-tomato face.

"I told you," I said. "He's insatiable. And disgusting. What are you doing to do about it?"

She looked hard at that monkey. "I'm going to fuck him, no charge."

Well she and that monkey went at it and I've never seen anything like it my whole life. She screamed and moaned and all the dolls in the doll cabinet shook in purple terror.

I sat there and thought about how I tried to like that monkey. I tried to get that monkey to like me. But it never really worked out. She screamed and came and then the monkey got greedy and went after her ass. That's when I knew that monkey was braver than me. He had a bigger cock too. Bastard.

I got up, got a bottle of whiskey, sat down on the couch, drank, drank some more, and watched as little by little that monkey started to disappear inside Holly Hobby's ass. It was frightening. I couldn't believe what was happening.

Finally after about fifteen minutes the monkey completely disappeared and Holly Hobby stood there shaking with the screaming meemies for about two minutes. Then she farted. I swore those dolls smiled.

"This house is clean," she said.

Then she took the twenty bucks.

"That was amazing," I said.

"This isn't the first time," she said. "I've got ghosts, phantoms, spirits, poltergeists, wraiths, little people, and now stuffed monkeys up my ass. It's not the best way to make a living, but it works for me. I know a little about the supernatural. I guess the rest."

She left soon after, closing the door loudly. I was alone. And can you believe it, I felt sorry for that damn monkey? I would never see him again. He would never call me a cocksucking queer again. He wouldn't ever drink any more of my beer. Bastard.

© Kelly Jameson 2007

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