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The Big Stupid Review

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01-07-2010
Injustice for All by D. E. Fredd
The Polysyllogistic Curse by Gary J. Shipley
How It's Done by Anjoli Roy
Ghost Dance by Connor Caddigan
Two in a Van by Pavlo Kravchenko
01-04-2010
Uncreated Creatures by Connor Caddigan
Invisible by Anjoli Roy
One of Us by Sonia Ramos Rossi
Storyteller by Alan McCormick
01-01-2010
Idolatry by Robert Smith
P H I L E M A T O P H I L I A by Traci Chee
They Do! by Al Po
10-15-2009
Love Fwd'd On by Chris Vaughan
The The Theft of the Magi by Gregory Anthony Schneider
Sam Edwine Gets That All-Important Publishing Contract, and Decides What the Key Word of His Book Shall Be by Tom Bradley
07-01-2009
Notes on a New Financial Year by Chris Vaughan
The Diddling of the Immensity by Thor Garcia
The Right Woman by Roger Castle
07-01-2009
Mawlawchee by Ben Drinen
06-01-2009
Successful P's by Chris Vaughan
Excerpt from Dear Vito by Mickey Z.
As the Song Goes by Ryan McBride
05-01-2009
Menage a Deux by Hugh Fox
Maybe I'm Stupid by Steven Schutzman
04-01-2009
Americans vs. Aneurysms by Eli Richardson
Application For The Chaparral Writers Society by John-Ivan Palmer
03-01-2009
Swearing: A Bedtime Story by John Grochalski
Excerpt from Dear Vito by Mickey Z.
01-01-2009
Two Pauls by Warren Buckles
Moments by Christopher Hart
12-01-2008
The Waiting by Brian Alan Ellis
Symphony #1: Roger Castleman by John Grochalski
11-01-2008
A Splinter from the Devil's Mirror by Bryn Greenwood
Between You and the Man-Sized Prophylactic with the Zipper by Tom Bradley
Chief by Warren Buckles
09-01-2008
Routine by Felipe de Oliveira
Automatic Transmission by Warren Buckles
08-01-2008
The Axiom of Choice by Jim Chaffee
07-01-2008
A Pleasure Jaunt with One of the Sex Workers Who Don’t Exist in the People’s Republic of China by Tom Bradley
Making the Switch by George Sparling
06-01-2008
The War Prayer by Mark Twain
05-01-2008
About the Dog by Robert Aqunio Dollesin
04-01-2008
The Coup by Peter Schoenau
03-01-2008
Art School by Zach Plague
Consitutional Puppies by JR
02-01-2008
Selection from The Vicious Circulation of Dr. Catastrope by Kane X. Faucher
Party Pooper from Make Me by Eli Richardson
Una Noche Perfecta para Sanguijuelas por Jim Chaffee (tr. Sonia Ramos Rossi)
01-01-2008
A Night in Cameroon by Kelly Jameson
Missile by Jason Jordan
Full TEX Archive
Side Photo for The Big Stupid Review

MoM

By David Quinn

Cathedral, Jundiai, Brazil

"Get undressed," the hooker ordered. "This ain't the best job in life," she continued, planning purposely to violate all the rules of English 101, "but I do it real good. One-hundred percent satisfaction or your money back." She paused a moment letting her promise sink in. And then to the punch line: "With me you’ll get to do what all men wanna do but can’t manage on their own."

"What I don't do," she continued, exhaling deeply. "What I don’t do at all are johns with half their clothes on. With me it's all the way or nothing."

They'd been kissing and her mouth tasted like a ball of cotton saturated in beer and cigarette butts. And that, too, was something that comes with the territory. The good thing, though, is how short the labors of love usually take.

Showing the way, she pulled her blouse over her high-cheeked head and reached behind to unfasten the black bra. "Will you help?" she asked as the seaman’s eyes hungrily took in the sight of her cleavage. Even if these johns are a little on the cautious side, once you get their blood concentrated away from their heads and south of their belts, you can do anything you want.

Working full-time hours and trying to finish a book she’s been writing two years. What’s important? Keeping up with her kid: Read to him; help him with homework; tell him you love him everyday.

The out-of-shape mate spun around his whore as her bra fell to the floor and his alcohol-inflamed lips ignited and seared one of her nipples. And then quickly the other.

cascais, portugal

"Hurry," she whispered, pushing herself out of his grasp. "Get your pants and socks off. Everything."

Again setting the example, her skirt dropped to the floor, and then she started a 3-D performance so the john could optically devour all of her in the prolonged act of stepping out of bikini underpants. Sex and seeing, for men, are like throwing gasoline on a fire.

A moment after she slid onto the unmade bed next to the Old Salt, he turned into a surfacing whale about to blow its top. There wouldn't be any foreplay here, she knew, but that was something she'd long before stopped expecting from anyone. And she was right. Crusty entered her like a wrecking ball knocking down a wall and she arched her body to make it good for him: to hear him moan and groan with pleasure.

"Ooooh!" she faked as convincingly as possible. "Tell me when," she blew in his ear like the venting of a volcano. "I wanna do it with you. Tell me when."

"Now! Now! Now!" the jaded and forever jilted Odysseus bellowed as his semen sack burst its binding.

And that's precisely when this world-weary’s Penelope fulfilled her promise: Sexual climax and the Last Voyage at the same time. "I always save the best for last," she gloated. As his body went limp on top of her, she rolled him over and in a moment completed her mission, finishing up by giving Old Crusty the best of what she had promised.

And with that simultaneous satisfaction, it was all over.

                                    **********

boca do inferno, cascais, portugal