Archives
- 08-01-2011
- Rick Perry leads Baal worshippers in prayer meeting By Pig Bodine M.Sc., Ph.D., BM2, BEM, MAD, MDMA
- 02-01-2011
- A Film Too Far: The Battle of the Strait of Hormuz By Jim Chaffee
- 08-01-2010
- Maurice Stoker quasireviews The Vicious Circulation of Dr. Catastrophe: A Polemical Ensemble by Kane X. Faucher By Maurice Stoker
- 06-01-2010
- Boozer Allan Hamilton Justifies the Tea Party By Boozer Allan Hamilton
- 04-15-2010
- Keith Olbermann Freaks Out Pig Bodine By Pig Bodine
- 06-15-2009
- Saving California: Secession and the Reagan Scheme By Pig Bodine
- 05-15-2009
- Maurice Stoker on Tom Bradley's Even the Dog Won't Touch Me By Maurice Stoker
- 12-15-2008
- Two Glad Tidings from The Marshall By Marshall Smith
- 11-01-2008
- Sarah Palin's Party of God By Maurice Stoker
- 09-15-2008
- Double-Ended Dildos Manufactured at Cosmodrome By Kane X. Faucher
- 07-15-2008
- At the Airport By Tom Bradley
- 05-01-2008
- Building the Perfect Weapon By Thomas Sullivan
- 04-01-2008
- CNBC Wins Pequod Institute Award for Excellence in High School Journalism By Pig Bodine, M.Sc., Ph.D., BM2, BEM, MAD, MDMA
- 03-01-2008
- Pig Bodine's Funky Financial Cooze Network Topological Finance for Aging Bald Dudes By Pig Bodine, M.Sc., Ph.D., BM2, BEM, MAD, MDMA
- 12-01-2007
- Un Mensaje Navideño del Director General Por Sandra Ramos Rossi
- Christmas Parades are a Deadly Derangement of Culture and other Seasonal Asides by Kane X. Faucher
- 11-01-2007
- Euphotan, Protoplasmic Flash, and their Properties by Nail, with commentary by Chevy the Scientist
- 10-01-2007
- Suggested reading, Universitatis Merdalina Literature 734.5, Advanced Topics in Mathematical Literature: Pseudo-British/American/Pidgin English Literature, Tensor Products of Novels and Poetry for Quasi-Conformal Plagiarism in Modern Genre and its Relationship to Sexual Identity and Morphisms by Maurice Stoker
- 08-01-2007
- The Unexamined Life in Hell: Peregrinations Across The Diagnosis by Alan Lightman by Maurice Stoker
- 06-01-2007
- Presidential Politics in the Year of the Toad by Boozer Allan Hamilton Ph.D.
- 04-01-2007
- An Eleventh Tonkin Scenario by Donald Dickerson
- 03-01-2007
- The Second Annual Howard Littlefield Boosterism Award for Economic Forecasting Awarded to Boozer Allan Hamilton by Pig Bodine, M.Sc., Ph.D., BM2, BEM, MAD, MDMA
- 12-01-2006
- Maurice Stoker On Writing a Prize Winning Best Seller by Maurice Stoker
- 11-01-2006
- ¿Study says lack of talent? by Pig Bodine M.S., Ph.D., BM2, BEM, MAD, MDMA
- 08-01-2006
- US Cracks International Terrorist Ring by Maurice Stoker
- 06-01-2006
- Pig Bodine Solves the US Immigration and Education Dilemmas in One Blow by Pig Bodine M.S., Ph.D., BM2, BEM, MAD, MDMA
- 05-01-2006
- Maurice Stoker Anent Two Errors in Thomas Pynchon’s Mason and Dixon by Maurice Stoker
- Full PAM Archive

Maurice Stoker Interviews a Spy - 5
MS: I guess I am a bit confused by what you are saying.
K: My job has several aspects. One of them is keep tabs on some low-level terrorist threats and if possible, divert them to European targets. Preferably away from where I reside. Another is to help the executive branch scare the shit out of the lily-livered American public so they can gain more and more control. But that’s easy, as cowardly as the citizens of the US happen to be. Another is …
MS: Wait. You are making certain that the Administration has materials to frighten the country into granting powers to the President?
K: Sure. This last tape of Bin Laden’s was an obvious fake. The Arabic was not in his style at all. And yet on every damned news interview they accredited that to his being surrounded by non-Arabic speakers. People swallowed that? Come one. He’s the only one needing to speak Arabic. Shit, you think he had a bunch of damned speech writers? Someone said it was because he was surrounded by English speakers. That’s true, in a sense.
MS: You mean Bin Laden works for us?
K: You sound kinda stupid.
K: No. The man lives in a computer. There’s no difficulty synthesizing his speech, given the tapes we have in possession. That’s a triviality. We can synthesize any speech we want … make it sound just like him. Make it BE him. We even create completely synthetic films of him and his deputies … cartoons so realistic no one could tell they aren’t real. We’re a hell of a lot more advanced than Pixar.

MS: But we can’t write in his style.
K: That’s right. We can’t write in his style … we know it. The man's a poet. We don't countenance poets in the US. We tried and it turned out to be garbage. That was the prior tape. So now we don’t try.
MS: But we know he’s dead and we don’t tell the American public?
K: You are naïve. Would you want your kids to know the bogeyman was a myth?
MS: How do you know this tape was faked? From the circumstantial evidence of the style on the latest tape?
K: No. I am part of a team to get these fake tapes into the al-Qaeda channel so that everyone knows it came from Bin Laden.
MS: You mean…
K: I mean I run the network that delivers it into the chain of al-Qaeda operatives. We infiltrated that bunch of rag heads ages ago, before Clinton.
MS: Well, this is at best unsettling. Why would the government want to gain more control over its citizens?
K: Isn’t that a typical pattern? Particularly when the bidness boosters gain control … their entire lives are devoted to being control freaks. The whole philosophy of bidness administration is based on how good it is to be a control freak on top of the dung heap. The rest is just fancy words.
MS: So you work with the administration to take away individual liberty?
K: Sure. It’s a job. Public service is an oxymoron. And meantime … seeing what’s happening in the homeland … a lot of us look for ways out. That was why the punishment for the station chief in Italy … the one who got caught kidnapping people they thought might be terrorists … you remember? … was so ironic.
MS: Ironic?
K: Sure. They put out a warrant for his arrest to Interpol, in Europe. Now he can’t return to Europe. He’d just retired. He had a nice villa in Italy. That was where he was going to spend his golden years. Now he can’t set foot in Europe. That sort of vengeance scares all of us. We could end up forced to live in the prison camp called the United States of America. Ironic, huh? We help build and secure the prison … then end up forced to live in it.
MS: Do these messages from Bin Laden serve any other purpose?
K: Not just from Bin Laden, but from almost the entire crew. A lot of what is happening in Iraq to certain citizens … blamed on terrorists … is us or the Brits. Not all of course … we don’t kill our own troops, at least not intentionally. Just to stir up sectarian shit. But it’s true these bin Laden tapes are coded messages … except the messages are meant to for our operatives working inside the various centers of gravity we’ve infiltrated.
MS: Can you give us an example?
K: Nothing beyond our infiltration of al-Qaeda. It’d be giving up too much.
MS: It seems you’ve already given up too much.
K: Nothing they don’t know and the US public won’t believe. After all, they pay more than any other nation in the industrialized world for the worst health care in the industrialized world. They are so stupid they consider the right to vote synonymous with liberty and freedom. There are plenty of dictatorships that offer more freedom and individual liberty than many democracies. Democracy can be incredibly tyrannical. The tyranny of the masses. Ask a black slave living in the south before abolition. That was a democracy.
MS: So are you concerned about the loss of personal information?
K: Of course. But some of us have methods to defeat the NSA net that actually sieves every phone call into or out of the US … no matter where it’s going or where it came from. It’s not simple. It’s far easier to defeat their email nets. No matter what technology you develop, there’s a work around. The Serbs understood that.
But the stupidest thing people say is I don’t care. I got nothing to hide. Only a moron says that. Everybody’s got something to hide … the man who truly has nothing to hide will be crucified with an invention … just like happened to Jesus Christ … that metaphorical scapegoat. Any nation that can trash its veterans and war heroes while praising as heroes cowardly men who ran and hid from their national duty is capable of anything. As Franklin said, Any nation that trades liberty for security deserves neither.
MS: That’s a repetition, and I don’t think Franklin himself said it.
K: Yes, I said that earlier … I think you’re right … he only published it. But I’m sure he believed it. He is one founding father people don’t pay attention to. Another’s Jefferson. Christ, Pat Buchanan claimed he wished George Washington had established a monarchy. But then the so-called conservative movement is a crock … small government … strong defense … they can’t occur simultaneously. Whenever the small government crowd gets in power watch out … they always create the biggest, nosiest, most invasive governments. Assholes … it’s why Hayek wrote the essay about why he wasn’t a conservative.
MS: Well, thanks for your disquieting comments. It will give us plenty to think about.
K: No one’ll believe it except those who already know it … for all you know this may have been orchestrated by Them for some nefarious purpose.
MS: Which would be?
K: I’m done here.
Maurice Stoker


